Word to the Wise: Week of April 18, 2013

Each week, Kelsey throws a “What to do?” spread for each of the zodiac signs.  The first card is shown and the other two… well, you’ll just have to infer them from the written forecasts.  Mind the heads up and have a lovely week!


I know, you’re trying to be present, solid, loving, and even-keel.  Unfortunately, the situation doesn’t call for that sort of thing.  Further, your attempts are not translating into the desired affect.  You’re coming off as a passive-aggressive, overly tolerant, sentimental fuddy-duddy.   As this is most definitely not your style, can you please knock it off?  You’ve been offered a creative break and you need to seize it wholeheartedly, not drag out your grandpapa’s favorite rocking chair so that you can fearfully calm yourself with its creaky to and fro while you bore young’uns with tales of the good ole days in your ancestral tongue.  Seriously Aries, WTF?


I smell a rat.  Do you, Taurus?  Be careful, it could be you or someone close to you.  But someone, somewhere, is being deceitful and indulging in some species of theft.  You’re tempted to let the situation drift aimlessly on as if you’re confused.  Why?  You’re not confused.  And your behavior should clearly reflect the knowledge that you do have.  So maybe, in going with the flow and pretending you don’t know, the rat really is you, although I am in no way claiming that you are the originator of this unacceptable scenario.  Then again, if you are complicit in this…  Make a clean break.  I know this is terrifying, but you need to chart a genuinely unknown course instead of pretending to be lost when you’re not.  Be brave!


And another wave of bad news comes rolling your way.  I’m sorry, Gemini.  I wish that I could be saying something else, but the last thing that you need is one more liar-face telling their lying lies with their lying mouth.  Will your truth prevail?  Will justice be served?  Maybe.  Eventually.  But not by you, and most certainly not in this round.  Pretty, pretty please, get the hell out of dodge while you still can.  I mean that.  Do not engage the liars and gossip-mongers.  Do you hear me?  You need to focus on yourself and continue working your tail off.  It’s not fun, but it will get you through.  And for now, that’s what we’re going for.  Here’s a song to help you.  And, ya!  We’ve devolved to Disney, but that’s OK.  This will eventually pass.  Just think of the lives of all those poor princesses!


You’re all pioneer-like, Cancer, and that’s awesome!  But don’t go falling in love, OK?  I know, you want to.  But that might be your problem.  In your eagerness to lose yourself, you’re willing to… lose yourself.  And the thing of it is, it’s not even romantic and lofty.  There’s no dizzying height so much as a puddle with you hunched over it à la Narcissus.  Am I saying that you shouldn’t love someone or some project with fervent intensity?  Nope!  But I’ll remind you of Closing Time.  Cohen’s got a line about “the awful truth” and how it “isn’t worth a dime.”  He’s right.  The awful truth, i.e. maturity, isn’t worth a dime because its priceless.  Now lift your glass and get drunk like Socrates.  Or if you prefer — Love, but don’t fall.


You’re king for the week, Leo!  So what are you going to do with such immense creative power and social sway?  Your response better not be — “Rest on my laurels like a fat, happy cat.”  Sure, you’ve got a tried and tested method, and it seems to be working well for you.  But be honest, that method is also ridiculously limiting.  This week try at least five new things.  I don’t care what.  It could be a new jogging route, a new food, or something far less quotidian.  But damn it, do something weird.  It would be a shame to waste your celestial blessings by not really using them to grow and become, you know?


Oi, Virgo!  This is The End and it’s some 11 minutes long.  That’s exactly how long you’ve got to get with the new program, OK?  Exhale.  You’ve built your solid base.  Inhale.  You’ve built your framework.  Exhale.  So now, just lose the bricks and mortar and start thinking about paint and plaster of Paris instead.  I promise — No big, bad wolf is going to come blow your house down; and the more creative, individualistic, and daring you can be, the better.  Think of this as a continuation of last week’s admonitions, but with a stress on putting a kibosh on past limitations, constraints, and concerns.  They mattered then.  But surely you can tell time, right?  Your fresh onus is to be frivolous and wild.  Good luck with that, stressy-pants.  Something tells me you’ll need it.


Libra, what is up with you?  It’s completely bipolar!  Mind you, it’s all good, but it certainly isn’t well balanced.  Can you just try to be rational and measured and not oscillate wildly between two attractive extremes?  Please?  Here’s the lowdown — You’ve recently charted a new path in pursuit if an idealistic, hopeful vision.  Good for you!  But you’re so wed to an ideal that you’re not paying close enough attention to your own proper landscape.  Quit dreaming and look at what you’re doing and where you’re going.  Need some help with that?  Just ask.  The more friends you can recruit for a second, third, and fourth appraisal, the healthier and happier you will be.  Oh, yes!  I said happier.  Now, ask for feedback and play the “more the merrier” card — especially if you don’t think you need to.


You don’t need to be afraid of the past, Scorpio.  If you think on this, you’ll realize how obvious and almost dumb such an assertion is on my part.  But you need to hear it.  I don’t know what memories are haunting you, but whatever they are, they’re preventing you from expressing an almost overwhelming sense of love that you ought to be sharing with others.  You need communion.  So, how do you overcome the baggage?  My recommendation is that you challenge and taunt it,  that you express your feelings openly and freely as an affront to past hurt.  Get ornery.  Get pissed.  Get haughty.  And then love anyway.


The ripe fruit from last week is starting to mold, attract awkward insect swarms, and stink up your apartment.  What happened, Sadge?  It looked so banging there for a second!  Now it’s just nasty.  This is no time for nostalgia or regret.  Simply make the decision to chuck the old and firmly execute it.  My guess is that you have a brand new recipe list (metaphorically, as it were) and will start fresh in some key area of your life as soon as you have the space for it.  Don’t be sad, be excited!  Your next line of creations will be far more inventive than your last.  Oh, and this new menu — it stands to earn you a Bona fide following.   First, though, you need to make a clean sweep.  Get your cleaning supplies and go, go, go!


Let go, Capricorn!  Your commitment to the past is appalling.  And this has been an ongoing theme for several weeks now.  Life is changing it up for you; you’re on a madcap treasure-hunt.  Can you really be so delusional as to think you won’t be carried along?  Come hell or high water, it will overwhelm you.  The universe is conspiring to unstick you, to show you how stuck you really are, and you’re terrified.  LET.  GO.  Change or be changed.  Your song for the week is The Times they are a-Changin’.  Too obvious?  Consider it a reflection of the obviousness of your circumstance.  Seriously.  Don’t stall.  Let go and swim already.


I’ll continue the Bob Dylan theme from Capricorn and offer you It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue with a stress on “Strike another match, girl, start anew.”  All is well, Aquarius, you just need to simmer down.  You’re being tempted to raise the gauntlet on a nonexistent cause, which is weird because you’re generally far too high-minded and quick for such dumb hijinx.  You have nothing to defend here.  On the contrary, you have everything to love, cultivate, and stabilize.  Can you play the high road long enough to see that you don’t even need to take a diverging road from those you’re moved to combat.  It’s a dead memory you’re struggling against, some odd ghost.  See it, dismiss it, and be glad for your company.


Lavish luxury, Pisces.  You’ve got it going on and it is stable and reliable.  You can trust this.  Take it in, appreciate it, and then relax.  You’re cruising for a mini-revolution in the best possible sense.  Opportunities you’ve been waiting on will start to manifest, but you won’t see them if you’re too busy working.  You have to be alert for this, not anxious, so just take it easy and be grateful.  These changes that are coming, these amazing opportunities, you have already earned them — while few were watching and long ago.  So if others soon start to call you a Lucky Duck, know in your heart that’s only half the story.  You’ve been a Hard-Working Duck, too.  Congratulations!


Last week’s Word to the Wise, April 11, 2013.

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